It’s been a while since I wrote anything and today I want to tell you all about how life has been since the beginning of this Coronavirus pandemic for me. As it’s been a very rough ride for the whole world Coronavirus has had a massive impact on my mental state and I know it has affected everyone’s lives and being so isolated hasn’t changed much for me.
With my anxiety levels I find it hard to leave my home and do the daily tasks as everyone else can do such as shopping appointments get to my local shop and just life outside my home in general. Since the lockdown began not long into it I was discharged from my support worker under the mental health team. That was because no one could go to visit people’s homes etc. I found this so very difficult as my support worker kept me in some order with my life regarding my mental health. She was my biggest support and I achieved little things with her when I say little they are massive steps for me but for others would be an easy day to day activities.
Not having supportive family both my parents don’t talk to me I felt like my world was ending it has been such an experience living by my self. I am used to living by myself and have been for some time but we all need love support guidance and the biggest thing for me with my anxiety is needing constant reassurance on everything. It’s like I need to be told that everything is going to be ok it keeps me feeling safe and a bit more secure and I know people in my life and strangers who don’t know me find that very hard this is why I want to share these experiences with people out there who do suffer. I want to tell you that you are not alone.
My daily routine since COVID-19 has had a massive impact on my OCD levels as before but now even worse and I’m sure there is a lot of people who are struggling with their anxiety and OCD levels. I clean everything with bleach and disinfectant so many times a day it’s hard to give a number on how many times I will wipe over one area but it is quite out of control at the moment. At the start, I couldn’t face even touching my communal door to my building where I live I was so scared 😦 I asked neighbours to take my rubbish to the bin or I would use antibacterial wet wipes every time I did.
I was relying on food orders when I could get a slot as everyone knows that was not easy to get an online food order whenever I did I would put gloves on at my front door and I had antibacterial wet wipes and Dettol sprays ready to wipe everything down before I could put it away. I’ve done it that much even my bread was tasting of disinfectant I’ve managed to calm it down a little bit now but I still clean everything because I know the virus is, unfortunately, still with us and my anxiety levels have risen significantly because of it. I’ve felt very alone through this pandemic and I still do now even though I have a few good neighbours where I live it’s not the same when you live by yourself sometimes I think I’m safer on my own but when I’m scared I feel very alone and frightened at times and would love for someone to just be there.
I live in a communal block of flats and it’s hard because all my neighbours live with their families and I do get upset from time to time and wish I had that family life to get me through. A few years ago I cleaned my block of flats in the communal areas. The landings and stairways and I always got praised by everyone in all three blocks how lovely a job I did and how much time I spent making it a clean and tidy place to live for everyone. I was appreciated a lot for it, unfortunately, I did stop doing it and a maintenance company took over from the previous owners and got their own cleaners in.
Every single day even when I don’t go out I’m taking a spray bottle full of mixed Zoflora with me when I check my postbox I’ve been spraying door handles pretty much every day. All my neighbours have all been grateful for it and thanked me for keeping or trying to keep us germ-free. I have to say a few weeks ago I went a little bit further than that. We have had the same cleaner for a while now and she does not use cleaning products on the landings on railings door handles nowhere, where you would need it basically. I asked her one day from a distance where are your cleaning products she shrugged her shoulders at me and said she didn’t need any this made me feel very upset and irritated. All my neighbours say the same thing all the time that she spends a matter of a couple of minutes in each block quick in and out waves the hoover around leaving bits and mud everywhere then leaves.
Well since the pandemic of Coronavirus the more people who live in one building, in my opinion, should mean the more gets cleaned to keep everyone COVID-19 secure. A few weeks ago my neighbours called me on the phone to say the cleaner was about to come into my block so I very quickly decided I would get my disinfectant Dettol sprays and spray the hand railings so when she came in she would actually have to use a cloth and wipe it up.
I’m fully aware of health and safety risks but as I knew the cleaner was about to enter the building. She was seconds away from coming into the building when I sprayed it so there was no risk of anyone slipping over because as a cleaner it is her responsibility to wipe it up. As it is also her job to hover and clean any mud and dirt away and again this is exactly why I did this as without the spray the railings and the strips on the stairs would have stayed dirty. As always without this, the landing would look the same when she arrives and when she leaves. Because the company don’t come to do the monthly checks they don’t know if it has been done properly or not. When I am ignored on the phone and made to feel I don’t even exist this is what happens and this is what I did because of being ignored. I just wanted my landing clean, same as all my neighbours especially with COVID-19.
I also sprayed a Fabulosa carpet mousse before you hoover to make the carpets smell nice it dissolves into the carpets straight away. I may have gone a tiny bit overboard but I was getting so frustrated the fact that the landing was so dirty and needed a good clean and in the past, I have called the maintenance company and my calls just either get ignored or what I say doesn’t make any difference I may as well not exist to them. The next day there was a letter in my postbox from the maintenance company stating as a matter of urgency the owner needed to contact the company about my “behaviour” and that I had been seen causing criminal damage to the communal area. The letter said that the police had not yet been informed!!!
Well I could not believe it I didn’t know to laugh, cry, worry or what I had mixed emotions as in all the years I’ve been in my flat I have never once committed such crimes and as to do it where I live on my own doorstep I felt a sense of anger and I was very upset to be accused of such nonsense. I have told pretty much everyone where I live what happened and everyone says that the company are a disgrace. That’s not criminal damage that is a help in hand for someone they employ to do their job properly. Anyway the next morning I decided to take pictures of the communal area and stairs etc in my block of flats just so I can prove there was no criminal damage. The only thing I could see was an outstanding clean stairway in all the time this cleaner has been employed by the company everything was shinny clean and that is because I sprayed for her to wipe over everything.
No police ever came to speak to me I wanted to ring the police myself and get an officer to come and look at my stairs etc. to see that there was no criminal damage. My foster mother told me not to and said they wouldn’t be interested in such nonsense I knew that in my heart already I just really wanted to prove it but I never did I have pictures of a clean landing that’s it and no criminal damage. I now feel more anxious because of this company but at the same time I love my home and I don’t want to find somewhere else to live.
I’m already fighting hard to stay in my flat after all these years I have very good ex landlords who are a couple and they’re my landlords on my current flat for many years I told her what happened and it is a blessing for me that people like them who truly know me would know I would never do anything wrong like that and they know after many years how clean tidy I am and I just wouldn’t do such a thing as to cause any criminal damage. I’m extremely grateful to everyone who has told me I did nothing wrong and as much as it’s embarrassing it’s given me some peace in knowing that people find this story funny 😁 Just because I know all my intentions were was for my stairs where I live to be clean and COVID secure just a little bit.
My main reasons for writing these true-life experiences and stories is to get it out there that no matter what people or life throws your way you can be strong. You are stronger than you think some people are like the saying of judging a book by its cover. I wish no one did that because that book could be the best story you ever read. When judging someone that person could be going through massive worries and have experienced massive trauma in their life and it’s why they are the way they are. This letter that I received in my post box written about me is actually slander. It had a lot of spelling mistakes and was very unprofessional for people who are supposed to work in the office. This letter could have made me suicidal again because all I was accused of was all completely not true.
I have tried to shrug it off and forget about it but to be honest I still feel very upset and angry about it. It has affected my eating disorder a lot and I do feel on edge uptight and nervous because of this company accusing me and giving false allegations against me. I now weight 5″11′ and I am 31 years old and I’m just under 5 foot. I have to have regular contact with a dietician to discuss my weight on a regular basis, give examples of what I manage to eat on a daily basis due to all the stress and worry levels. I will need to start taking protein shakes and nutrients food supplements to help me try to gain and stay at stable weight. The stress with all of this being accused of such slander has not helped my eating disorder. As much as I try to forget about it knowing I did nothing wrong and my intentions were good. I wonder if they knew my circumstances and the trauma in my life would they want to continue to do such slander against me.
It surprises me how a big maintenance company employ somebody who is very unprofessional can’t read and write properly and is allowed to accuse and destroy someone’s reputation with slander. The letter was written on a computer and it doesn’t take long to do a spell-check. Hopefully one day this company is going to be looked into by real professionals at the lack of real service they give. I would love to add pictures and name names but, unfortunately, that can’t be possible right now. If I was the owner of this company I would feel very embarrassed also ashamed that I am employing someone with very poor grammar and spelling errors and who clearly doesn’t know how to be professional. This is letting the company down massively for future custom.
All anyone wants in life is to be loved, feel safe, have security and stability in their life and that’s all I want. I continue to battle my anxiety and eating disorder. Every single day even when I want to give up and cry myself to sleep most nights I carry on fighting and I live in hope not just for me but for the whole world especially at the moment. I would like to say to anyone who has been affected if you’ve lost someone to Coronavirus my condolences to you and your loved ones. I can’t wait for the day when we are all COVID safe.
We all live in hope for a better life and I hope that each and every one of you gets your peace and achieves your dreams as much as I hope I can get mine too. One day I wish to start live videos online and talk about my life experiences. I want to talk about everything from being in foster care, abuse, trauma, anxiety, depression, eating disorders, sexual abuse, self-harm, suicide, panic attacks. There’s not much I’ve not gone through and I want to share that life present and past life experiences to help you, people, out there. Know you are not alone I will be here to tell you more soon. I hope my experiences help anyone of you who feels you can relate to me feel a little bit better. Feel free to message my page. I will be happy to answer any questions or have a chat with anyone who needs it.
Today is 25th September, Friday 2020. I saw a friend briefly this afternoon and she noticed out of the window that the same cleaner turned up after not being here for over two weeks. She left to go to her flat next block along and we both decided to take pictures of the landing all the mug and bits and dirt etc. We have decided we would both time this lady of how long she spent in each block. Bearing in mind there are 22 apartments altogether and three blocks. All three are three levels high with four flights of stairs each block. She sat in her car for quite a while smoking cigarettes then came to my block not hoovering or using any cleaning products at all and she was timed at being inside my block for exactly 9 minutes.
We have photo evidence of this including today’s date and time. She then went to the second block along which is where my friend lives. She was being timed and was seen to only hoover the first landing and first flight of stairs using no cleaning products. Being watched from a short distance she has been seen not going to the second floor of the building or to the top landing in my friend’s block just ignoring her job role as a cleaner completely. This is the first time she has been timed. As silly big or small it seems it’s massive for myself and my friends/neighbours who live here and have to put up with living in these ignored conditions. It’s not fair on any of us. Today’s visit which includes all three blocks was less than half an hour.
I am just so glad we have all the proof and recordings for our records of evidence. We both were horrified but glad we did it as it’s proof. It’s just so sad and frustrating for us to have to live like this. But we both made each other smile by saying how neither of us could clean our toilets thoroughly in 9 minutes let alone a whole block of flats. Thoroughly in that amount of little time I absolutely wish I had of sprayed my block in disinfectant again just so she would of done her job properly. But unlike her and her employers and the company in which employees them I’m trying to do things in the right way, with good intentions only. Thanks for readying this extra little bit from today but it is very upsetting and highly frustrating for all of my friends and neighbours who live here.
Stay safe, please follow the government’s rules on COVID-19. We are all in this together and if we work together and all do our bit we can beat this.
Lots of love to you all from your unknown cleaning fairy 🤗💕